Hands down, marrying Tracey was the absolute best decision I ever made, but during that first few days after proposing to her over the internet I thought I’d made the worst mistake of my life. The range of my thoughts went from, “Are you completely out of your _____ mind,” to “What woman in her right mind is going to accept a proposal of marrrige to somebody she’s never even met.” It was enough to make me question my sobriety, not to mention other things.
If that weren’t enough to make me have some sleepless nights, add to the previously mentioned, these two thoughts: 1 Any man, with a half-a brain-cell more than yours truly, knows that it takes a serious lack of intellect not to make a proposal to the one he loves face to face. 2. Said man, making such a proposal smacks of desperation, low self-esteem, and too many other adjectives to mention.
As I said there were many thoughts that passed through my mind, but the overriding one among them all was wondering what Tracey looked like. I know fine time to be wondering what the woman you’ve just proposed to looks like, but that was how it was. Anybody who has read back over my past posts knows that I’m a little slow in coming to things, and as this post proves a little backward, too. It didn’t help that my grandma, a very onery and not what you’d call politically correct, sort of woman who had a habit of saying exactly what was on her mind ( and you never knew what was on it) blurted out, “I hope Denny’s finance isn’t black” during her and my grandpa’s 50th anniversary party! To this day, I don’t know how she found out, although I have a feeling my mother let it out (she swears she didn’t).
The only thing I can say is you can choose your friends, but not your relatives. My grandma was a fiesty, firey, spit-in-your-eye, sometimes bigoted, over-the-top kind of person, but she was who she was, and I never heard her apologize for it. I loved her undoubtedly, but agreed with her rarely, and through the grace of God failed to inherit her uncharitable views toward others. It’s my hope that I haven’t offended anyone in writing about this most embarrassing thing that happened, but that’s what happened.
If I hadn’t already been spending an inordinate amount of time thinking about Tracey, I was really thinking about it now. What if she was a different race? One after another “What if’s ” went through my mind. Even as I’m writing this I can see how it might look and sound to those reading this, but I can’t deny that’s how it was. I came to each of those questions, and through prayer, and time, and determination to follow what I felt in my heart I kept going forward.
The following Monday morning at 11:00 a.m. I went to the bus station to meet my finance, and was it a meeting I’ll never forget? You’ll have to read the next one to find out.