From Morning and Evening by C. H. Spurgeon

     I’ve been reading the book of Malachi this week, and seeing myself in it’s pages.  It’s never easy looking at yourself in the light of truth, but it’s only by doing so that we can see who and what we really are, and what we need to do in our lives.  I hate to admit this, even to acknowledge it, but I see that there have been times in my life, even recently, when I was like the people I’ve been reading about in Malachi.  I wasn’t giving God the best of myself.  I was giving God and everybody else the leftovers, the sloppy seconds, the easy, and half done.  Allowing some things and thoughts in my life that I allowed to rob me of my joy and my strength in Christ.  I’m sorry for that, but I thank God that instead of allowing me to wallow in it, He did something about it. 

“Take us the foxes, the little foxes that spoil the vines.”  Song of Solomon 2:15 

A little thorn may cause much suffering. A little cloud may hide the sun. Little foxes spoil the vines; and little sins do mischief to the tender heart. These little sins burrow in the soul, and make it so full of that which is hateful to Christ, that he will hold no comfortable fellowship and communion with us. A great sin cannot destroy a Christian, but a little sin can make him miserable. Jesus will not walk with his people unless they drive out every known sin. He says, “If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love, even as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love.” Some Christians very seldom enjoy their Saviour’s presence. How is this? Surely it must be an affliction for a tender child to be separated from his father. Art thou a child of God, and yet satisfied to go on without seeing thy Father’s face? What! thou the spouse of Christ, and yet content without his company! Surely, thou hast fallen into a sad state, for the chaste spouse of Christ mourns like a dove without her mate, when he has left her. Ask, then, the question, what has driven Christ from thee? He hides his face behind the wall of thy sins. That wall may be built up of little pebbles, as easily as of great stones. The sea is made of drops; the rocks are made of grains: and the sea which divides thee from Christ may be filled with the drops of thy little sins; and the rock which has well nigh wrecked thy barque, may have been made by the daily working of the coral insects of thy little sins. If thou wouldst live with Christ, and walk with Christ, and see Christ, and have fellowship with Christ, take heed of “the little foxes that spoil the vines, for our vines have tender grapes.” Jesus invites you to go with him and take them. He will surely, like Samson, take the foxes at once and easily. Go with him to the hunting.

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It’s Been A Long Time

     It’s been a long time since I’ve written a blog, and it feels really odd to me that I should be doing so now after having been gone so long.  I would have thought that most of you would have abandoned me by now, so I was surprised and grateful to find that so many haven’t.  The first thing I want to say is that I’m sorry for not having witten.  I’ve had a number of things going on, and have had to deal with some very difficult things, among them back surgery, rehab, and deep depression.  That’s only the beginning, but in the end they are all just excuses.  The plain truth is that I allowed pain, and depression to overwhelm me, and I dove deep into the well of despair.  It simply got to the point where I just didn’t care about anyone or anything.  All I could think about was myself and my pain and my despair.  I wish I could say something else, make up some excuse, and put the blame on my not writing on something else, but that just wouldn’t be true.  I had disk replacement and spinal fusion surgery in January and it’s been a rough go.  For so long, and even now, it just takes so much energy to do anything, even very simple, basic tasks such as writing and keeping in touch with people you care about.  It’s terrible to treat your friends and people you care about in this way, and I’m truly sorry.  I hope you’ll forgive me.

     I have a long way to go, and there are still many hurdles ahead of me, and the future in many ways is still uncertain, but this can be said by many of you as well.  How silly we humans are to think that life holds any real security or that we are, in any way, in control of our lives.  In the time I’ve been away I’ve discovered some things about myself, and the way I look at life that have made me take a long hard look at myself.  It’s amazing, the human beings capacity to deceive oneself into thinking that they’re the only one who has it right.  We take for granted so many things, so many blessings, that we don’t even pause to notice until they are not there anymore.  We gripe, groan, and moan about the little inconsequential things in life, and pay little attention to the people and things that truly make it worthwhile, and the one ( Our Creator) who made all things possible in the first place.

     Please bear with me.  As time, energy, and desire permit I will try to keep in touch and let you know how it’s going.  Please don’t be offended if I don’t respond right away or at all.  Please know that I’m thinking of you, and that you are in my prayers.