Tag Archives: Despair

From “Morning Thoughts” by Winslow

“Who has saved us, and called us with an holy calling, not according to our works, but according to his own purpose and grace, which was given us in Christ Jesus before the world began.” 2 Timothy 1:9

THERE is an external and an internal call of the Spirit. The external call is thus alluded to: “I have called, and you refused;” “Many are called, but few are chosen.” This outward call of the Spirit is made in various ways. In the word, in the glorious proclamation of the gospel, through the providences of God-those of mercy and those of judgment-the warnings of ministers, the admonitions of friends, and, not less powerful, the awakening of the natural conscience. By these means does the Holy Spirit “call sinners to repentance.” In this sense, every man who hears the gospel, who is encircled with the means of grace, and who bears about with him a secret but ever-faithful monitor, is called by the Spirit. The existence of this call places the sinner in an attitude of fearful responsibility; and the rejection of this call exposes him to a still more fearful doom. God has never poured out His wrath upon man, without first extending the olive-branch of peace. Mercy has invariably preceded judgment. “I have called, and you have refused.” “All day long I have stretched forth my hands.” “Behold, I stand at the door and knock.” He reasons, He argues, He expostulates with the sinner. “Come, let us reason together,” is His invitation. He instructs, and warns, and invites; He places before the mind the most solemn considerations, urged by duty and interest; He presses His own claims, and appeals to the individual interests of the soul; but all seems ineffectual. Oh, what a view does this give us of the patience of God toward the rebellious! That He should stretch out his hand to a sinner-that instead of wrath, there should be mercy-instead of cursing, there should be blessing-that, instead of instant punishment, there should be the patience and forbearance that invites, and allures, and reasons!”-Oh, who is a God like unto our God? “I have called, and you refused; I have stretched out my hand, and no man regarded.”

But there is the special, direct, and effectual call of the Spirit, in the elect of God, without which all other calling is in vain. God says, “I will put my Spirit within them.” Christ says, “The hour is coming and now is, when the dead shall hear the voice of the Son of God; and those who hear shall live.” And in the following passages reference is made to the effectual operation of God the Spirit. “Whereof I was made a minister, according to the gift of the grace of God given unto me by the effectual working of His power.” “The word of God which effectually works in you that believe.” Thus, through the instrumentality of the truth, the Spirit is represented as effectually working in the soul. When He called before, there was no inward, supernatural, secret power accompanying the call to the conscience. Now there is an energy put forth with the call, which awakens the conscience, breaks the heart, convinces the judgment, opens the eye of the soul, and pours a new and an alarming sound upon the hitherto deaf ear. Mark the blessed effects. The scales fell from the eyes, the veil is torn from the mind, the deep fountains of evil in the heart are broken up, the sinner sees himself lost and undone-without pardon, without a righteousness, without acceptance, without a God, without a Savior, without a hope! Awful condition! “What shall I do to be saved?” is his cry: “I am a wretch undone! I look within me, all is dark and vile; I look around me, everything seems but the image of my woe; I look above me, I see only an angry God: whichever way I look, is hell!-and were God now to send me there, just and right would He be.” But, blessed be God, no poor soul that ever uttered such language, prompted by such feelings, ever died in despair. That faithful Spirit who begins the good work, effectually carries it on, and completes it. Presently He leads him to the cross of Jesus-unveils to his eye of glimmering faith a suffering, wounded, bleeding, dying Savior-and yet a Savior with outstretched arms! That Savior speaks-oh, did ever music sound so melodious?-“All this I do for you-this cross for you-these sufferings for you-this blood for you-these stretched-out arms for you. Come unto me, all you that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest-Him that comes to me, I will in no wise cast out-Look unto me, and be you saved-only believe. Are you lost? I can save you. Are you guilty? I can cleanse you. Are you poor? I can enrich you. Are you low sunk? I can raise you. Are you naked? I can clothe you. Have you nothing to bring with you-no price, no money, no goodness, no merit? I can and will take you to me, just as you are, poor, naked, penniless, worthless; for such I came to seek, such I came to call, for such I came to die.” “Lord, I believe,” exclaims the poor convinced soul, “Help You mine unbelief.” You are just the Savior that I want. I wanted one that could and would save me with all my vileness, with all my rags, with all my poverty-I wanted one that would save me fully, save me freely, save me as an act of mere unmerited, undeserved grace-I have found Him whom my soul loves-and will be His through time, and His through eternity.” Thus effectually does the blessed Spirit call a sinner, by His especial, direct, and supernatural power, out of darkness into marvelous light. “I will work,” says God, “and who shall let it?” (marg. turn it back.)

My Prayer to the Father, August 18, 2012

Heavenly Father
I come to You, Father in all that I am.
My eyes are heavy, and tired,
My body numb with pain.
My body aches, and cries for relief.
I feel that I cannot
Stand another minute
And I long for rest,
For respite.

Heavenly Father
I’m sorry. I’m sorry
To come to You this way
In my weakness,
And despair;
Crying, moaning in my distress;
Desperate with longing
For relief
And an end to this terrible
Suffering I endure.

Heavenly Father
Lift me from this pit I am in.
Father, look down upon me
With Your compassion and mercy
And pull me
Out of the grasp of this
Monster that is
Trying to consume me.
Rescue me, Father.
Pull me into Your embrace.
Shield me from
My enemy.

Heavenly Father
I look to You.
I lift up my arms and reach
Out to You with all I am.
Father, You
Who are the great and eternal God
Will not fail me.
I trust in You.
I lift up my voice to You
And I shout above
The voice of my enemy
You are the eternal God, and
You are victorious!

Heavenly Father
You have vanquished my enemies.
Though they yet try
To come against me;
You have given me the Victory
Through Your Son
My Lord and Savior, Jesus,
And they shall not prevail!
Though I am pressed
And assailed
I will give praise unto You.
I will worship You
In the presence
Of He who is trying
To destroy me.

Heavenly Father
I will trust in You.
You are faithful and true, and
I know that You
Will not let my
enemy overcome me.
You, will keep
Your promises, Father,
For You cannot
Not lie.
You have placed me
Upon the rock.
You have hidden me
Within Your heart.
You have given me my position
Behind He who
Wears the Crown of thorns;
And, because of
Who and what
My Lord Jesus has done,
I, too,
Have won the
Victory…

In Jesus name, I pray,
Amen.

My Prayer to the Father, August 2, 2012

Heavenly Father,
I come to You, Father, in humble spirit,
And adoration, for I adore You so.
You, know though that I don’t feel grateful,
And this hurts me so, for I know
I should feel grateful.
Tonight, though, I’m going to confess
That it’s hard to feel grateful
When I’m hurting so.
I am grateful, though, Father
For Who You are,
And all that You are,
And all that You’ve done.
Even though my body is
Screaming inside,
I will not deny, nor turn away
From You even in the
Midst of this storm.

Heavenly Father,
I know You are the Author,
The Composer.
You have written verses across my heart
As You’ve written
The stars in the heavens.
Creation is Yours to own alone;
You sustain it with Your mighty hand.
You and only You
Can uphold it .
You, who made the mockingbird,
Also make the thunder.
You, who gave us the rainbow
Can flash Your anger, and
Cast it across the night.

Heavenly Father,
There is no storm beyond Your control,
No echo of Your thunder,
No flashing fire in the night
No heart break, or loss
Or loneliness or despair
Or physical pain
That is beyond You,
And Your Power.
I know this because I know Your Son;
I know that as He walked across a stormy sea
His disciples in a boat tossed to and fro
Cowered in the bow of their boat
Afraid and huddled in fear,
Crying out as if they had no hope
As if they were doomed to die
To sink beyond
Their Saviors’ love and care.

Heavenly Father,
I know how they must have felt
To see their sweet Savior
Walking on the waves
As if He were walking amidst
A host of friends.
What joy, what happiness
Must have been theirs as
They saw him coming near.
And Peter, oh Peter
To see him so courageous
So fearless, so ready
To step out and walk to his beloved
And doing so, walking on water
And then he took his eyes off
And started to sink;
Yet before his cry could scarcely
Be heard, Jesus was there
Holding him.

Heavenly Father,
I know that as my Savior held Peter
He holds me, and us all;
Ever knowing in our eagerness,
And our excitement to see Him
That at times we will stumble, even fall,
And yet He is there with outstretched arms
To uphold us
Always willing
Always waiting
Always there.
Oh, what a Savior He is
That we can never fall so far,
That we fall beyond His
Love and care.

Heavenly Father,
Forgive me.
Forgive me for thinking that my pain
Is something I cannot bear.
Thank You for reminding me to
“Look to the Cross.”
When I’m hurting, in pain,
When I’m suffering and ashamed,
When I’m lonely and weak,
When all seems so lost,
And the distance to walk so far.

Heavenly Father,
Thank You
For my Lord and Savior,
Jesus Christ,
Who gave to me, and to all
Our example
Our model
Who showed us
How to live in the midst
Of suffering,
And not despair.

Days of Long Ago

Days of long ago
I lived for only myself,
my pleasure, my satisfaction.
I gave heed to little,
cared little,
did little.

Then came terrible days;
dark days;
days of horror; despair.
Days of unimaginable pain,
no hope, no faith,
Alone.

Then I saw the stars overhead,
The trees around me;
Creation witnessed to me,
The Creator called,
My sin became real,
So, too, the love of Christ for me.

@Wayne Augden 2012